Change.

c

hange is inevitable and everything is impermanent. Buddha tells us ‘Everything changes and nothing remains without change’ so why do the majority of us resist it? I found myself on my bedroom floor yesterday contemplating this very topic. As I sat cross-legged on the floor in front of my overflowing wardrobe I realised that the majority of items in my wardrobe are not there because I love them or because I wear them, they are there because they are attached to memories. It is perhaps shallow to be attached to such objects for memories sake, but thrown in the most un categorised manner are years and years of experiences and feelings and its only now that I am perhaps ready to start to let go.

The few weeks (since I visited my fairy godmother) have been nothing short of exhausting. While I have managed to stick to her plan (most days) I have found it difficult to keep my emotions in check. I did not expect my body to react with tears and emotional flat-line however it seems that years of built up emotion require some outlet and have decided to exit my soul all at once!

It can be difficult when embarking on a new change in your life, and it becomes even more tenuous if you are surrounded by negativity. The opinions of people around you can weigh you down. I have been working really hard in changing the way I think. For example a common saying for me is ‘eh I look fat in that…’ or ‘I hate my body’ so instead I have been pushing these negative annotations out of my mind and replacing them with positive mantras such as ‘that outfit just doesn’t suit me’ and ‘I love my body’. My logic is this; the body is like a child, if you constantly tell a child they are naughty or ugly or just don’t meet your standards, then eventually the child will believe these things and they will become a reality. What’s to say our body reacts any differently. The mind is a powerful thing and on a subconscious level we could be doing ourselves a lot of damage. Now I must admit, changing my way of thinking has required more effort then pulling myself out of bed at 5am to go to the gym! I struggle to take myself seriously when attempting self-praise and I often break out in laughter immediately after the words pass my lips (as my best friend can attest to) but I suppose with every attempt it will begin to sink in.

The topic of change appeared in conversation today with a close friend of mine when a particular song came on in a café. ‘This is my change song’ she chirped. ‘When ever this song comes on, it means something big is about to happen in my life.’ What an interesting thought- a song could present warning that something is about to change. This comment brought me straight back to my prior discussions around pre-determination of life or destiny.

I am a believer in signs and destiny and I believe this is a good opportunity to share a story with you. Last year, prior to committing to the biggest change of my life I was very lost. I was stuck between a decision that would save myself but ultimately hurt everyone I love or to continue with the way things were and attempt to make some happiness in that. One night, back in July I had a dream. I dreamt I was walking down a dark road, a road that was familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it now. Cars were driving past me, and as they would pass they would flash their lights at me, as if to warn me of something up ahead. As I continued to walk a strong wind picked up. The wind was hurling through the trees on the sides of the road and my hair was blowing in my face. I was forced to stop and clear my hair from my vision. As I was about to continue walking a large feather was blown into my chest. I plucked the feather from my jacket and looked ahead of my to see where it had come from. In front of me was a fork in the road. To the right the road was dark, clear but dark and gloomy as far as I could see. To the left, where the feather had come from, was thick with overgrowth and dark, but further down this road I could see light, glowing, warm light. I chose this road, because although this instant moment will be hard the future will be filled with light and happiness. The next morning I searched dream meanings around feathers. I found that Native American Indians believe the feather to symbolise wisdom and the right path in life. My decision was made.

It may seem somewhat ridiculous to base a life decision on a dream, however this feather has served my well, and for those of you that know me personally will now know what the feather on my wrist truly symbolises.

So now, with the seasonal change from Summer to Autumn I find myself embarking on further changes and while these changes are not as large as before I am once again feeling lost. So destiny, Destino, if you are listening, a sign right now would be helpful! 

My fairy Godmother

T

 

he thought of a fairy godmother is often one of sparkles and magic. Of dreams and wishes that miraculously come true after one is granted a graceful visit from an old lady dressed in a ball gown waving a magic wand. Now, we all know that such individuals do not exist per say, but I’ve no doubt that there are people in our lives that could be compared as such, minus the tulle and sparkles. I met my fairy godmother on Saturday. She is slim, in her thirties and has golden hair in ringlets. She is pretty and smart and she is my naturopath. Now don’t let me lose you there, yes one wouldn’t expect to pay a fairy godmother for assistance but assistance that changes your life warrants the title, well at least that’s what I believe. As mentioned in my NY resolution number four a special endeavour of mine is to reach my goal weight, but of late I should say that my weight is not my main concern. My overall health and wellbeing is something that I am now paying special attention to. Its easy to let oneself go, and by that I do not mean become obese, more along the lines of forget to take care of ourselves, forget to do the little things like read a book, get a massage or just sit alone and be. I am an expert in putting myself last and I always manage to come up with the best excuses for it. ‘I don’t have the money’, ‘I don’t have the time’, ‘next week’, ‘tomorrow’… all sentences I throw up with ease when prompted to do something for myself. I even went 9 months without a single haircut just because I didn’t ‘have the money’, a definite falsification.

We become so caught up in achieving the ‘perfect body’ (by perfect I mean the ones portrayed in magazines) that we sacrifice our health to get it. Diet pills, meal replacement shakes, skipping meals, bulimia, cellulite treatments, laser therapy and laxatives, we will employ any and all methods necessary to get where we want to be. I am guilty of it, I’m a classic gen-Y chasing a quick fix, but what are these extreme measures doing to our bodies? ‘Your body is a temple’, I can definitely say that I have not been treating my body as a temple; in fact I don’t think I ever have. So where does this leave us? The business of putting ourselves last and chasing a quick fix can be more harmful to our bodies then we think.

Many religions and spiritual belief systems believe in the body’s trinity- that is mind, body and soul. I can say that I generally only focus on my body and forget to nourish my mind and soul, and I’ve never really contemplated the effect this could have on my mind and soul until my fairy godmother told it to me straight. The consultation started with a two-page questionnaire listing many common ailments. I was to select the most relevant number to each question, one being I experience the symptom rarely and five I experience it frequently.  I quickly completed the questions relating to headaches, my sleep patterns and digestion and returned the forms to her, leaving my dignity at the door. She slowly talked me through my answers and probed further into my health and as I sat teary eyed in her crisp office, snuggled into the suede tub chair she rang out her diagnosis.

‘You’re nervous system has crashed, your circulatory system is struggling, your digestive system is fed up, your immune system is asleep and your chakras are essentially non existent- basically you are a mess’

I had suspected as much, but it means a lot more coming from a professional further to this what the hell is a chakra?

She explained the connections between the systems in the body and the responses we have to external influences like stress. Our body is not built to differentiate an attack by a sabre tooth tiger compared to the stress of a huge project at work. How odd, to think that the physical strain I am putting on myself by being stressed (and not managing it) is the same strain I would endure if escaping an animal attack?  

An hour later I left her office feeling stripped and raw, but slightly relieved. Relieved that there could actually be some reasoning behind the way I’ve been feeling physically and emotionally. My bank account took a beating and I was sent home with a bottle of specially blended herbal tonic to sooth and console my nervous system, extreme garlic capsules to awaken my immune system, vitamin B blends to cure a list of symptoms, a new eating plan full of nourishing foods I’ve previously deprived myself of and a follow up appointment in two weeks to track my progress.

So I’ve been taking my vitamins and disgusting herbal tonic since Saturday and can definitely mark an improvement in my mood and energy levels, lets just hope I can stick to it! Ill let you all know how I go, wish me luck! Yuck!

Tell me your thoughts! Are you embarking on a new diet or exercise plan? I want to hear about it, either comment below or email me at bennywithlove@gmail.com

XX <3 Benny