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've always been somewhat of a
hopeless romantic. I have one of the biggest romantic comedy movie collections
seen to man and ultimately believe that there is someone out there perfect for
me. I generally blame Disney for this idealism, however I can’t help but cling
to the notion that ‘Mr Right’ is around the next corner. Like many I’ve had my
heart broken, some breakages worse than others, some merely a scratch on the
surface of my heart but all encounters have left their mark and even though
there is a chance that with every new love there will be terrible pain I cant
help but throw myself head first into every opportunity I come across. My
friends, of late, have feared for my welfare, and often attempted to push
clarity through my momentary fog but regardless of what words of wisdom pass
their lips I still find myself reeling after the chance to find the right man
who ticks all the boxes. Here in lies my problem, see I never choose ‘Mr
Right’, rather I choose ‘Mr Right (with conditions attached)’. By conditions I
mean the following; currently in a relationship, unable to commit, does not
open up, doesn’t want a relationship, doesn’t find me attractive, lives in
another country, expert in playing mind games…I could go on. So do I purposely
look for ‘Mr Right (with conditions attached)’ to simply avoid finding ‘Mr
Right’? Unconscious self-sabotage? Impossible.
How far would you go to be with ‘Mr
Right’. I've no doubt I would move to the other side of the world, change my
name and toss responsibility into the wind to experience an all consuming and
complete love as I believe that said chances occur but once in a life time and
you must take this chance or potentially miss something amazing.
I came to Greece alone this year as
I felt that my life was off course. I felt that I was entirely imbalanced in
every possible aspect of my being; my mind, my soul, my heart and my body were
out of sync and no matter how hard I tried to pull them all together it was
just not working, in fact, the opposite occurred- the harder I tried, the worse
I became. I knew that coming to Greece would allow me time to reconnect with my
being and spend some time to think about what I truly want- a question that is constantly asked of me by family,
friends and work. 3:32am on Friday the 27th of July and I can safely
say that I still have no idea of what I truly
want. But does anyone? I think I need to get some sleep!
Fanari beach today seemed more
enchanting and beautiful then normal and I found myself constantly staring at
the crystal blue water and appreciating all the beauty on this island. I met
the Aussies down here today; it was nice to have some company.
Whilst swimming and tanning we met
Maria, the café owner’s daughter. She is ten years old and is blind and has
been since birth. She has striking blue eyes and dark sun tanned skin. She
mostly swims alone in the shallows and twirls about in the water, smiling to
herself the whole time. She is utterly beautiful and content with everything
she has. I realise now, six days into my holiday, that I have spent the last
two years consumed with materiality and endless want. Maria is unable to see
the beauty all around her, yet she spends her days meeting new people and being
sublimely happy, yet I, who can see everything this world has to offer, spend
my time stressing over work, bills, timeframes, diets, body image and rules and
for what? So I can buy a new dress that I will wear once and then throw away? The
stress is making me sick, physically sick.
Later this evening, as per normal,
I met the girls at the café over the Stefani for our standard cocktails and
gossip. Found out Kristin Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson- not impressed.
<3
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